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Nightmare
Lyran Alliance
Kommandant-General
Joined: 03-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 2214
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 Posted: 07-Apr-2003 10:07 Post subject: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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If you're bored, here's some diversion. These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow
Aussie.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
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3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
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4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
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5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
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6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the
pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
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12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
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15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
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16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
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17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
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21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
_________________
A tree fall in the forest, and no one is around, and it hits a mime. Does anyone care?
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CO_17thRecon
Kell Hounds
Major
Joined: 10-Sep-2002 00:00
Posts: 1297
Location: United States
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| Posted: 07-Apr-2003 10:25 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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LoL! That's great! 
_________________
Jarylan Blackwell
"What the...?! Where did you get THAT?!"
"Creative aquisition."
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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 912
Location: Spain
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| Posted: 07-Apr-2003 12:27 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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ROFLMAO!!! 
thanks, I needed the laugh
_________________
Memento audare semper
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Kyu Kage
ComStar
Captain
Joined: 16-Sep-2002 00:00
Posts: 503
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| Posted: 07-Apr-2003 12:55 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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Hmmmm, Wouldn't mind getting the link for that site off you....
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Loyalty above all else except honour!
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Gunslinger Patch
Royal Black Watch Regiment
Major
Joined: 04-Mar-2002 00:00
Posts: 1611
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| Posted: 07-Apr-2003 18:49 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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Hilarious
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"Those who beat their guns into plows will plow for those with guns..." -Thomas Jefferson
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 08-Apr-2003 07:55 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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It would be funnier if those weren't real qestions..... 
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Jade_Dragon
8th Sword of Light
Sho-sho
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1325
Location: United States
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| Posted: 08-Apr-2003 09:16 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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At least we can get a laugh from other's supidity once in awhile.
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The JadeDragon
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Nightmare
Lyran Alliance
Kommandant-General
Joined: 03-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 2214
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| Posted: 08-Apr-2003 10:14 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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Don't have a link, this is something I found on another site without directions. If you want something else in the same departement, try finding the site where US National Park Rangers tell of the questions they get to hear. And remember that the guy telling the story often adds a bit to it
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A tree fall in the forest, and no one is around, and it hits a mime. Does anyone care?
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AWAD
Draconis Combine
Chu-sa
Joined: 06-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 766
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| Posted: 08-Apr-2003 21:32 Post subject: RE: Australian tourism questions and answers. |
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Quote:
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On 2003-04-07 10:07, Nightmare wrote:
If you're bored, here's some diversion. These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow
Aussie.
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Made my night, I am still crying
AWAD- needed the smile..... Freaking Ice storm and BLizzard in April
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