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Raven!
Clan Snow Raven
Galaxy Commander
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1326
Location: United States
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 Posted: 10-May-2004 12:53 Post subject: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Overall Raven Rating: 2.5 Feathers out of 10 Feathers
Review
*** SPOILERS ALERT SPOILERS ALERT ***
Lets take a step back for a moment and review another movie, the Mummy and the Mummy Returns. What made those movies great? The fact that they were funny as hell! They took old concepts, remade them, realized that they were STILL cheesy, and ran with it. The movie had a sense of humor about itself (both of them) that provide a playful air and lent itself to a more humerous presentation on the part of Sommers.
Now, both those movies got horrible reviews from such acclaimed sources like the Internet Movie Database, but by god, they were incredably humerous.
So now we come to Van Helsing.
And now we come to disappointment.
The problems with the film can be quickly summed up: poor writing, poor acting on the part of Hugh Jackman, Richard Roxburgh, Kevin O'Conner, and others, and finally, TO MANY SPECIAL EFFECTS. You can tell that the majority of the budget of the film was thrown into special effects, and it still wasn't enough. The wolfman was pathetic, not even remotely cool. The vampires were also not that good. I found myself severly disappointed.
Back to the acting. The hardest part about any comedy is that it takes a lot of skill to take a movie such as Van Helsing which is supposed to be dark and dreary, and make it funny. But that was the intended goal, as was obvious from the efforts of the writers (who still sucked - more on them in a minute). However, I got the feeling that Hugh Jackman didn't even care, nor did Roxburgh. They just read the lines, both were incredably flat, though Roxburgh tried to go for the freaky goth feel at times, I found his efforst lackluster, and at odds with his lines.
To the writers: TO MANY 20th CENTURY REFERENCES IN THE MOVIE! It bogged it down, and they were just THROWN in. No thought or planning. This leads to complaint two: throughout the entire film you feel as if you are missing scenes. For example, the gravedigger attacks Jackman for NO REASON AT ALL, then dies. Thats it. Something was fundamentally missing in the relationship between the two characters, and I get the feeling it was sent to the cutting floor in favor of one thing: special effects.
I'm not kidding when I say this movie tried to depend on special effects to get going. After the gravedigger attacks Van Helsing he is killed by the werewolf, in a fairly interesting combat scene. The idea, I believe, was to hope the audience would forget the totally screwed up scene with the gravedigger in favor of the really cool scene of him dying.
Oh, one more complaint. The gravedigger made himself comfortable after he was killed. Slight discontinuity error there.
Those were the problems, what did I like?
Some of the jokes were funny. Example:
VALKEN: "I would die before I helped you!"
DRACULA: "Oh, don't be boring, everyone who says that dies."
ANNA: "In Transalvania we have learned to look on the brighter side of death."
VAN: "There is a brighter side?"
ANNA: "Yes, its just hard to see."
Kate Beckinsale and Will Kemp were PHENOMENOLALY good, and are the only reason this movie got 2.5 feathers. David Wenham offered some incredably good lines, either by being present, or his standard "Technically, I'm a friar." was humorous. Overall, those three did the best acting job, and you felt that they prepared for it. Both Kate and David sounded Translavanian which was nice.
And the cinematography! WOW! Can I just say how outrageously cool it was?! Absolutely ammazing. Costume design, however, made me sad.
So in conclusion, horrible movie. Wait for it to come out to DVD and rent it for the one liners. Don't expect the Mummy or the Mummy Returns, and pray to God they don't do a sequal (Cause with both Kate and David's characters dead, it wouldn't be worth it).
Raven!
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Ruger
Lyran Alliance
Hauptmann General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 2039
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| Posted: 10-May-2004 17:47 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Hmm...glad I spent my money this weekend on The Last Samurai, Tenchi Muyo GXP Vol.2, Slayers Premium, and the rest of Rune Soldier then...
Ruger
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Stinger
The Knights of Chaos
General
Joined: 30-Apr-2002 00:00
Posts: 1833
Location: United States
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| Posted: 10-May-2004 18:21 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Hehe. Interesting review and I have to agree with Ruger, I am glad I spent my money on Samurai X the movie, The simpsons series 1, 2, 3, Lineage 2.....
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Stinger
If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then FINE, I'm "creepy". Howard Wolowitz. BBT.
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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 912
Location: Spain
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| Posted: 11-May-2004 03:10 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Thank you very much Raven
After the "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" fiasco I am very wary of going to movies with a supposedly cool premise but that instead become empty promises.
It's a coincidence that you mentioned the Mummy movies, they have been aired on TV here, and on seeing them again I still enjoy them, silly, cheesy, and certainly not Indiana Jones, but veeeeeeery good anyway.
I don't expect Hollywood to produce art anymore, but I do have a minimum standard for entertainment.
Again, thanks for the review, I was secretly hoping for somebody to post a review here , with the exception of Ruger, that has no taste  (how could you like Underworld ?, sheesh)
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Memento audare semper
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 11-May-2004 06:22 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Aww come on Raven, you could die in a uncomfortable position. You may be that way forever.
You'd get a huge charlie horse that way. You don't want one of those stuck with you for all eternity, now do you????
[ This Message was edited by: Sir Henry on 2004-05-12 06:34 ]
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Raven!
Clan Snow Raven
Galaxy Commander
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1326
Location: United States
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| Posted: 11-May-2004 19:49 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Good point! LOL
Raven!
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Gangrene
Federated Suns
Leftenant General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 939
Location: United States
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| Posted: 11-May-2004 21:01 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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That pretty much fits what other people have told me. Its too bad, because the idea had potential.
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Gangrene
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Raven!
Clan Snow Raven
Galaxy Commander
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1326
Location: United States
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| Posted: 12-May-2004 09:39 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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Great potential. Actually i've been thinking about it, and I've decided that who needed to direct that film was the guy who directed Grosse Point Blank. That was a movie that took a serious subject, and serious drama, and actually made an ammazingly good dark (noir) comedy out of it.
Raven!
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Seraph
Blighted Sun Battalion
2nd Company
"Seraph's Slaughter"
Major
Joined: 11-Mar-2004 00:00
Posts: 1744
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| Posted: 12-May-2004 17:01 Post subject: RE: Movie Review: Van Helsing |
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John Cussack was a good choice for that hitman too. I like that movie.
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If ignorance is bliss, then why are you so miserable?
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