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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 912
Location: Spain
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 Posted: 10-Aug-2004 11:01 Post subject: New dark matter theory |
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For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses fossil fuel to destroy it.
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.
There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.
This is easily proven for lightbulbs too. When you compress a gas, it gets hot, right? So the light bulb gets hot because of all the dark being squished into the wires.
Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.
Dark Suckers are only able to suck dark in a straight line. Dark, because of its mass, will not penetrate solid, opaque objects as it is being sucked by a Dark Sucker. When a Dark Sucker is operating, you will notice that dark that is behind a solid, opaque object does not flow through the object or around it to the Dark Sucker. Some of the dark will accumulate on the side of the object away from the Dark Sucker as the Dark Sucker attempts to pull it through the object. These residual patches of dark are often referred to as 'shadows.'
Some surfaces are able to function as secondary Dark Suckers by sucking the dark from behind solid objects at an angle and then rerouting it to the primary Dark Sucker. These surfaces have a property we refer to as 'reflective.'
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is not a light emitter but a Dark Sucker.
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Memento audare semper
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Rarich
Federated Suns
Leftenant General
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 991
Location: United States
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| Posted: 23-Aug-2004 18:41 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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the half empty or half full theory of light bulbs/dark suckers. Pretty good.
how doe this dark sucking apply to working computers and stereos? Oh great dark bloody one. 
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Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and strings also lie under it all.
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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DarkAdder
Clan Star Adder
Star Commander
Joined: 10-Jan-2004 00:00
Posts: 604
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| Posted: 23-Aug-2004 21:30 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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Stereos emit noise reduction waves that has the effect of canceling the overwhelming sound of silence. When the silence is removed, the natural noise of the room or area is allowed to resume its normal levels, thus giving you the experience of sound and music.
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Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
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-Mud
ex-Jade Falcon
Bounty Hunter
Joined: 04-Nov-2003 00:00
Posts: 1082
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| Posted: 23-Aug-2004 21:32 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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This new learning amazes me. Describe to me again how we know the earth to be banana shaped 
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Erenon
Blighted Sun Battalion
2nd Company
"Seraph's Slaughter"
Sergeant
Joined: 04-Jun-2004 00:00
Posts: 976
Location: Singapore
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| Posted: 23-Aug-2004 21:59 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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It's not a donut?????
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"My job is to keep the majority of people in this country alive. That's it. If fifty-one percent eat a meal tomorrow and forty-nine percent don't, I've done my job." - The Beast (AKA The President), Transmetropolitan
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Alexander
Heavy Horse Merc Brigade
Commanding Officer
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 828
Location: Canada
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| Posted: 23-Aug-2004 22:17 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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Mmmmm Donuts.
Alexander 
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War is God's way of teaching geography.
*******
Commanding Officer, North West Armoured Cavalry
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 24-Aug-2004 06:25 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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The earth has to have a hole in it. Where else do the missing socks go to???
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Oafman
Draconis Combine
Tai-sho
Joined: 18-Nov-2003 00:00
Posts: 1657
Location: United States
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| Posted: 24-Aug-2004 09:37 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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The Earth has to be donut shaped how else do you explain the white frosting ont he tops of the tall hills.
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Festina Lente!
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Erenon
Blighted Sun Battalion
2nd Company
"Seraph's Slaughter"
Sergeant
Joined: 04-Jun-2004 00:00
Posts: 976
Location: Singapore
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| Posted: 24-Aug-2004 18:00 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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See i was right!
It also explains why it isn't flat.
I mean if it wasn't a donut, it has to be flat right?
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"My job is to keep the majority of people in this country alive. That's it. If fifty-one percent eat a meal tomorrow and forty-nine percent don't, I've done my job." - The Beast (AKA The President), Transmetropolitan
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Bo
ComStar
Private, First Class
Joined: 20-Sep-2002 00:00
Posts: 39
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| Posted: 26-Aug-2004 12:56 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
- Man in Black
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"No good deed goes unpunished." - Michael Garibaldi
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StarRaven
Federated Suns
Leftenant General
Joined: 01-Jun-2004 00:00
Posts: 1138
Location: United States
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| Posted: 26-Aug-2004 16:13 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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Quote:
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On 2004-08-10 11:01, Vampire wrote:
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses fossil fuel to destroy it.
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A Dark Sucker might suck when it's working, but it sucks even more when it's broken, mainly because you can't see without removing the dark.
And a nitpick.
If Dark suckers send stuff to power plants to be destroyed, how do they get full?
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"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close semblance to the first."
- Attributed to General Aleksandr Kerensky
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SaberDance
Federated Suns
Colonel
Joined: 07-May-2004 00:00
Posts: 837
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| Posted: 26-Aug-2004 16:21 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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I think Michael Keaton has this guy beat in the dizzying intelect. The question is, if I place my hand over the light, why do my fingers turn red? Is "dark" a quality of skin?
OK, I'm thinking more than this actually warrants.
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"Politics is the Art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, misdiagnosing the problem, and applying the wrong solution."
-Groucho Marx
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-Mud
ex-Jade Falcon
Bounty Hunter
Joined: 04-Nov-2003 00:00
Posts: 1082
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| Posted: 26-Aug-2004 17:28 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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Dark Sucker, huh?
I always try to keep one of those around; oh man, this should be in the Saloon 
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DarkAdder
Clan Star Adder
Star Commander
Joined: 10-Jan-2004 00:00
Posts: 604
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| Posted: 26-Aug-2004 17:58 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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I think Dark Suckers are more like filters. They filter the light from the dark, so the dark can be sent to the power plant to be destroyed. Like all filters, dark suckers eventually get too full and stop working.
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Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
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jfox61
Clan Ghost Bear
Point Commander
Joined: 05-Aug-2004 00:00
Posts: 46
Location: United Kingdom
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| Posted: 27-Aug-2004 10:02 Post subject: RE: New dark matter theory |
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The world IS Flat. I know this as I have seen a picture. It is propelled through the Universe By a great turtle named A'Tuin upon which Four great Elephants support the World. I know this to be true as the Great Prophet Pratchett has spoken.
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"Thats the fastest race ever ran. But not as fast as the world record".
(David Coleman :- English sports presenter)
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